waiting.

it has been an odd week for me.  this weekend one of my good friends for a long time is getting married.  i am really excited for her and for her soon to be husband!  what has been weird about it is for so long I had hoped it would be me.  i have had these same feelings three different times when people have gotten married.  it just seems to be when you care about someone that way they still sort of have a piece of your heart for awhile.

i don’t really know what has happened over the past two years between me and this person but we aren’t as close as we once were.  and for those two years i have beat myself up trying to figure out what i could do to reconcile our friendship.  i don’t feel like anything has worked.

this past sunday my pastor spoke on hope.  he and his family are in the midst of trying to adopt two siblings from ethiopia.  he mentioned that ‘hope requires waiting.”  i think hope is something i lack.  i don’t like waiting.  i like to “make things happen”.  then last night i was talking with some friends about a recent conference in atlanta.  my friend was telling me how one speaker told the story of the prodigal son and how the father knowing his son was leaving to live a promiscuous life he still let him go, and waiting each day, longing for the day he would return.  the following night, rob bell spoke about how when jesus would speak to large crowds many would not understand and walk away.

i say all this because i realize that there are times where things are not in our control and we have to wait.  times when we don’t know what will happen.  i think that is where my friendship is at with this friend.  and i have to trust in the lord that it will be good.  and if we are never really friends again, still the lord is good.  psalm 27:14 says:

“wait for the lord;

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the lord!”

it amazes me the timing of the lord.  how a sequence of events such as a wedding line up with another sequence of events such as an adoption process along with another conversation all come together and we see his mercy, grace, and love.  for his plans are good.  and i will have hope and joy in my waiting for his plans for my life.

cheers.

positive.

for those that don’t know i am taking a nurse aide course in order to enroll in the nursing programs that i have been applying for.  this past week we finished up our clinical part of the class.  the first week of clinicals i was on the cvimc unit, which is cardiovascular intermediate care, and it was great.  last week i spent one day in a skilled nursing facility and then one day on the neurosciences unit.  the neurosciences unit mostly deals with patients who have experienced strokes, seizures, and other disorders involving the brain and its activity.

last thursday morning we checked in with our care partner to get our assignments for the day.  first thing, vitals.  no sweat.  as our care partner, patricia, informed us of the status on all of our patients she came to the last room, room 4378.  “he is hiv and hepatitis c positive” she said.

it wasn’t what she said but how she said it and the reaction of my two classmates that got my attention.  i don’t know why my reaction was different.  i assume it was my experience from visiting an hiv/aids orphanage in ethiopia and supporting a family in stage 3 and 4 hiv.  i guess just having knowledge about the disease made me more familiar and comfortable around someone infected with these viruses.

to me it was like any other patient i had cared for that week.  it saddened my heart when my classmates were over exaggerating on what they should do to interact with this gentleman.   “should we were a mask?”  “and a gown!”  “oh gosh!  his sheets touched my clothes! what do i do?”  it was like any educational information that they had been taught about infection control left their brains.  it frustrated me to see that this was affecting the kind of care that this man was receiving from what should have been “professionals”.  it wasn’t my classmates that made me mad, just that this gentleman was still like every other human being but he was being treated like an outcast.

jesus cared for the sick and the diseased.  he went out of his way to love these people.  he wasn’t afraid to touch them and show he cared.  he says to love as he loved.  that was my desire for this man.

i never found out why this gentleman was admitted to the hospital or what was his diagnosis.  he checked himself out just a couple hours into my shift.  i really wanted to care for this man and show him that i didn’t see him any different.  i wanted to show him that someone cared about him and loved him.  but i didn’t get the chance.  shows that every opportunity is important.

wasting life – part two.

i guess i need to apologize for leaving my last blog the way i did.  i am sorry that many of you thought i was sad or depressed.  i assure you i am not.  but thank you for taking the time and caring enough to check.  and for showing me that people actually read this.

so why am i still in charlotte and not off conquering the unknown world?

one thing that i do not want is to look back 50 years from now and think that i have wasted my life.  i have never wanted to be someone who sits in an office and never makes a difference in the lives of those around me.  i want people to have joy when they think of times that they have had with me or things they have experienced because of me.  i want people’s day to be brightened when my name is mentioned.  i want to serve the community around me.  i want to be humble and unselfish of my time.

it has been this place that i am in now that for the last 8 years has allowed me to pursue these desires.  it has taken me to the capital of romania to help in one of europe’s largest orphanages and to the highest point in the country to help lead an english camp for romanian students.  this place has lead me to mexico city for 8 weeks to live with 60 street kids at casa de hulgar.  it has lead me to juarez and tijuana, mexico to build three houses.  and it has taken me to ethiopia to build toilets and showers for the only sports camp in the entire nation.  its this place that allows me week to week to invest in high schoolers lives and encourage them and lead them.  and it is this place where people do the same for me.

i guess it was this past trip to mexico that really made me start to think about my life and what i am doing with it.  for three consecutive years i have been a part of building a house for a family that lives in nothing more than wooden crates stacked on each other with cardboard stuff in between to block the wind and rain.  its been life changing to see the joy on these families’ faces as you finish the house and give them the keys.  their lives have been changed forever.  it was a week of my time, but a lifetime of change for them.  however this year i began to see the bigger picture of our involvement with amor ministries (www.amor.org).  this was my third house and ucf’s eleventh house built in mexico.  not only are we changing a families life but i began to see the bigger picture of changing the lives of a community, a city, and a country.  its a great feeling to know you had a part in it.

i may not be scaling the cliffs in patagonia, taking a first decent on the waters of british columbia, trekking across new zealand for 8 months, or living off the land in alaska, but i feel like the lord has shown me the unknown.  whether it has been seeing roman ruins, overcoming language barriers, trying to drive up a dirt road in a mini van, or sitting with a student through a divorce or friend’s suicide.  i feel as though god continues to fill my adventurous desire for the unknown.  i still crave more and look forward to where the lord leads me through it all whether it be in charlotte or some other land afar.

enjoying the journey unknown.

wasting life – part one.

for several years now i have had this tug on my heart to just travel. whether it be backpacking through europe, driving across the united states, or hiking the appalachian trail. there is this sense of adventure that i long for. the chance to go and discover new surroundings, new ways of life, and new people. the thought of no strings attached, no schedules, no commitments, no agenda, just going. does everyone have this desire? or is it something just in me?

i sat and watched sean penn’s movie into the wild yesterday. i had heard a little about the story of chris mccandless but never had the desire to follow much of it. chris was a graduate of emory university. his desire was to travel to the alaskan wilderness and live off the land for an undetermined amount of time without any connection to the american society he grew up in. so without mentioning his plans to anyone (parents, sister, friends), chris burned his id, money, social security card, etc. and embarked on a journey for roughly two and a half years. a journey that lead him across america, down the colorado river into mexico, and then back north to alaska.

chris thought that one needed to be alone and secluded to experience what god created for us to enjoy in this world. he thought that that is where happiness was found and true life was lived. after several months of being “in the wild” in alaska, chris realized that “happiness is only real when it is shared”. unfortunately chris ate some poisonous plants which made him weak and eventually lead to his untimely death of starvation at age 24.

so what has stopped me over the past few years from following this tug at my heart of adventure? money? work? relationships? companionship? fear of leaving the known? what is it that i hold onto in life that keeps me where i am at? why is it i live in suburbia, in my quant little townhouse, driving my subaru from place to place, meeting to meeting each and everyday? why have i not sold everything i have worked for and leave? why am i still here in this coffee shop typing this blog to you?

to be continued…

water is life.

i was watching the tyra banks show yesterday.  (yes you can take my man card if you want but when you don’t have cable not much is on at 4pm)  they had several women on the show that would not drink any kind or water but bottled water no matter how much they had to pay.  they filled three glasses each with a different kind of bottled water and had all three women taste them.  they then discussed the differences in purity and taste of the three waters.  afterwords tyra revealed that all three glasses were solely tap water from back stage.  even after all three women still said they would not drink tap water and pay for the bottled water.  i wanted to punch all three in the face!  this is why.

water is a simple necessity.  how often do we thirst for a simple glass of water?  some of us often, many of us prefer a soda, juice, etc.  still, all consist of water.  water is life.  the human body is composed of 55-60% water.  in our everyday lives we can find water just about anywhere.  a water fountain in the mall,  bottled water at the convenient store, a fresh flowing stream at a high altitude in the mountains.  we don’t realize how much we depend on it.  how much we need it.  what do our lives look like with out it?  how far would we go to find it?  how hard would we work for it?

in africa, water is scarce.  its said that 80% of all diseases in africa could be cured by clean drinking water.  80 percent!  africans walk miles to wash their clothes, bath, let their kids play, let their animals drink, and fill water jugs so that they can drink.  all of this from the same polluted stagnant water source.  i am a guy who eats runts off a mall floor that i don’t know whose they were before hand and don’t care a thing about what germs might be on my hands.  however, i am not a guy that wishes to quench my thirst in the same pool that my donkey is standing in after walking through its own feces just moments before.

when i went to ethiopia in february i had the opportunity to help build part of a well that will provide an entire village with clean drinking water.  it was a great experience for me because the money to build this particular well in africa was given by a local company in harrisburg where i live.  the well cost $2500.

the money spent just to make the bottles for the amount of bottled water americans buy uses more than 1.5 billion barrels of oil annually which is enough to fuel 100,000 cars for a whole year.  (www.filterforgood.com)  if you know me, you know that i love water and would prefer it over a soft drink, juice, beer, etc anytime.  and i also despise spending money on something that is free.  that is why you will always see me with a nalgene full of water.  so what am i trying to say?

this is my challenge.  think about how much you and your family spends each week just on drinks.  whether it be sodas, coffee, bottled water, etc.  what if anytime we are thirsty or went out we asked for tap water.  then we took the $1.50 per drink and donated it to an organization that builds wells in the villages of africa.  on average say we all spend about $4.00 a day on some sort of drink or drinks.  if 20 people committed to doing this for one month, you could build a well that would change the lives of thousands of people for a lifetime!  its one month to you, and a lifetime of health to thousands!

this blog is somewhat jumbled, but feel free to ask me about any organization that builds wells or anything else.

cheers.

exposed.

recently i found out that several younger friends of mine have been sexually active.  it has been a weird few weeks in how to approach them about the issue and who should be included in that discussion.

for those that didn’t know i just spend two weeks  in ethiopia.  the second day i was there, we drove by a girl/woman lying on the side of the street naked.  this is what i recorded in my journal that night:

“we passed a girl on the side of the road today, in the midst of the dirt & gravel.  crowds past her. cars parked around her.  she lay on her back with one arm over her fore head, the other by her side. her knees up in the air slightly spread.  i did not know her age.  she had no shoes.  in fact, all she wore was a beige shirt that just barely covered past her breasts.  my first thought, ashamed to say, was ‘hey there’s a naked girl, alright.’  as we passed my heart saddened.  here was this beautiful child of go, perfectly made, lying on the street covered in dust and fully exposed for all to see.  i’m not sure if there is a problem with prostitution etc in ethiopia.  but i wondered what it was that brought her to this point and place?  did she even care?  did she not have clothes?  was she aching for attention?  was she hopping someone would notice?  was she trying to sell sex?  did she even care that she was naked?  what was the case?  what did people think as they passed?  was this culturally acceptable?  did they look at her in disgust?  did they look at her at all?  what did she feel?  did she feel shame?  how does she see herself?  is s he happy?  does she hate who she is?  i wish i knew.  embrace her lord.  show her you care.  show her your love, show her she matters, show her she is a child of you.  show her she is someone.”

what is it about this girl and about my friends situations.  i think it is our desire to be loved.  our desire to be desired by someone.  our hearts are made that way.  it is our nature to want to be loved.

i was reminded of where paul writes in ephesians 3, “and may you have the power to understand, as all god’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  may you experience the love of christ, though it is too greet to understand fully.  then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from god.”

i confess that i struggle with this same desire of wanting to be loved.  as a single 26 year old, i want a wife who will love me no matter what.  but even then that love will never fully satisfy me.  the same with these friends of mine and the ethiopian woman.  only the love of god will ever fully satisfy our desire to be loved.  it was he who created the desire in us and it is he that can fulfill it.

“i’ll have the paulaner hefe, please.”

last night i met up with a friend i used to live with. we went to the flying saucer by the university. its a place we enjoy together. patrick greeted me with a hug and two books about the appalachian trail he had picked up for 10 cents each. he knew they would excite me.

friendship is funny. there are some friends that you could talk on the phone with for hours but when you see them you don’t really have much to say. there are other friends that you have absolutely nothing to say on the phone but when you are together you could talk for hours! patrick is that kind of friend.

it was 24 oz. for the price of a pint night. patrick got the highland oatmeal porter and i the paulaner hefe. it was two hours of solid life experience driven conversation. it brought me joy to share with my friend my heart, my struggles, my desires, my dreams, my sin, my frustration, and my joys. i am beginning to realize how much you really do have to work to make some friendships happen. i don’t want surface relationships. i want the kind that dig deep. that bring more than just a “hey” every couple weeks. patrick is a great friend. he is a good husband. i am glad he is in my life.

our relationship with god is the same way.  we can’t just sit and wait for something to happen.  just like the woman at the well.  jesus is waiting for us to come to him.  he is waiting patiently for us to move towards him.  too often we want to follow the lord and we sit in our little world thinking everything will be perfect now.  all we have to do is sit and wait.  but that’s not the case.  we have to do our part in going to the father and pursue his heart to experience full life with him.

βαπτίζω

i grew up in a southern baptist church. they baptized peeps in a pool above the choir loft with an unrealistic picture of the river jordan as the back drop. it is where i was baptized actually. i need to note that i am not bashing this style of baptism but i can not recall a time when we had a baptism sunday where it was a true celebration.

in august (this blog is way overdue) we had a baptism at a pool in the neighborhood across from the church. there were six people being baptized this sunday. over 100 people crammed into the backyard some sitting on the edge of the pool moving their feet back and forth playing in the water, others standing to the side holding small children. the six people made their way down the steps into the clear water. each of these six people accompanied by one or more close friends who have been on this journey with them. you see, at ucf we don’t believe it has to be an ordained pastor etc who says the words and dunks you under. we want it to be the people that have been there, that know the story, that have prayed and cried with you, that have rejoiced more than anyone else with you. friends through the journey.

today i was able to be apart of that journey. one of my students while driving in her car, thinking about an old bracelet. faded and dull in color while her new one vibrant and radiant had given her life to christ.

one by one we stepped to the center of the pool and between them and us friends THEIR story was told. each soaking wet clinching their friends in their arms and wiping tears from their eyes. you could see and feel the joy that spread through each persons heart. seeing this joy three more people decided to have life that day. cheers, yells, claps, etc. its exciting.

afterwords everyone stays around and talks and swims. its joyful, its a CELEBRATION. we are a community of believers who are trusting jesus. we care for one another. we rejoice with one another. we don’t just go on about our busy day in moments like this. its incredible to be part of love like this.

i’m all jacked up on mountain dew.

its now 5:15 in the morning.  i am sitting at a hospital in greensboro. 

the night started out with some great sushi at rusan’s and then off to victory lane for some go-carts for josh’s bachelor party.  my phone started vibrating just as the first practice race was about to start.  i wasn’t driving cause i have no money.  so i hit the pause button on josh’s video camera.  it was my mom.  what did i do this time?  i was just previously yelled at for sending 250 text messages over my limit.  oops! 

my sister at this point is over eight months pregnant with my soon to be nephew, nolan brendle reeve.  she started going into labor.  the next few hours were intense between the adrenaline of watching my friends whip around the track and my roommate take the checkered flag and my mom calling to give me updates.  finally i decided to at 2:00am i was going to greensboro.  my first nephew, my parent’s first grandchild, my sister’s first child!  i wanted to be a part of it.  it took me a starbucks coffee and a vault soda to make the drive. 

as i sit here with only 4 hours of sleep the night before but still jacked up on caffine while everyone else in my family sleeps, i am filled with joy.  it is so weird to think my sister is about to have a child.  but it is so exciting to think of the gift that god is about to give my sister and brother. 

ashley shoemaker is my hero.

i like raw fish.